Excuse Me, But what?
by sorryimahopelessromantic
Summary: Can Edward and Roy help Chemira!Elysia get back to her home world before the military finds out about her?
1. Chapter 1

Title: Excuse Me, But What?  
Chapter One: Under Unfortunate Circumstances  
Rating: K+

Type: humor, yaoi, adventure, romance  
Pairings: Roy/Ed

Summary: Based on the movie Monsters inc, which is like the most adorable movie everxD and if you haven't seen it yet, you definetly need to watch it. A little girl named Elycia somehow manages to fall from her parallel universe where everyone is a chimera into modern day Amestris. Can Roy and Ed help the little girl find her way home before the military finds out about her?

disclaimer: no i dont own fma, but man if I did:D *starts laughing evilly*.

It was just like any other Thursday night and Roy was settling down from a hard day of work, just as he was starting to nod off from a book he'd been reading, he heard a knock on the front door. "now who would that be at this time of night?"

he blinked in surprise on seeing the visitors. "Edward? Al? What are you two doing walking around on a night like this?"

Edward stared at him as if he'd lost a brain cell, "Well what does it look like? We sure as heck aint dancing!" ugh why were they even here? he hadn't even wanted to come in the first place, but Al had insisted that it would be the best idea given their unfortunate circumstance and that no they were not going to take a train to Rezimbool in this kinda weather, Winry would kill them...and now here they were.

Al frowned trying to control the urge to hit his brother over the head for his rudeness. " Please ignore my brother Colonel, he's just in a foul mood because he missed his dinner."

To his relief the Colonel wasn't offended and just smiled at the younger Elric. "Oh, well come on in!" he said stepping aside to give them some space to enter. "I wouldn't want you to catch a cold now."

"Thank you Colonel!" said the younger smiling in relief, he turned to his older brother frowning. " Big brother what do you say?"

Edward ignored him dragging two suitcases inside with him "Where's the food?" Bastard better have something cooked. he thought. 'I'm starved'

Al just stared horrified at his brother's lack of house ettiquette then stared apologically at the older raven haired man while stepping inside to follow his brother.

Roy just chuckled. "It's ok Al, but may I ask what the suitcases are all about?"

Al rubbed the back of his head sheepishly. "Well we were wondering that if it werent to much trouble if we could stay with you for a few days. Just til we get our own place that is"

"Of course you can stay for a few days. Just as long as you two promise to behave." Roy knew he wouldn'y have any problems with the younger brother, now if only he could say the same about fullmetal..he sighed.

Al shot him a grateful look. "Oh thank you! thank you! Dont worry we'll be on our best behaviour! right nii-san?"

Ed rolled his eyes and stomped his foot. He could give two shits about being on the best behaviour, he never made it his life's mission to make the Colonel's life easy, why start now? he just wanted some damn food dammit! "Yea, yea, so is the bastard going to give us anything to eat or not?"

Al just sighed. Someday he was seriously going to have to teach Nii-san some manners, even if it killed him.

After making sure his guests were fed and had found a place for their belongings Roy and his "guests" settled into the den in front of a deliciously warm fire. The Elric brothers on the Sofa and him on his chair.

"So why did you guys get kicked out of your apartment this time?" Roy knew it probably had to do with the eldest again. It always did.

"What do mean this time?" Edward snapped defensively. "You act like this happened more than once."

"Hasn't it?" Roy smirked at the younger alchemist.

"Wipe that stupid smirk off your face bastard!"

"So I'm guessing that by the defensive way your acting that its somehow your fault Fullmetal?"

"Of course you'd automatically assume that its because of me. Why wouldnt you?"

Al sighed, wrapping his blanket around him tighter. "Nii-san it is because of you that we got kicked out."

"so I was right, huh?" Roy settled more comfortable into his chair, 'oh this was going to be interesting'

"Dont give me that look! It's not like I blew that place up or anything! All I did was forget to pay the rent! Jeez is it such a big deal?"

"It is if you blew the money on a pair of stupid boots!"

"Hey they werent just any boots!" Ed protested.

"Oh yes I forgot." retorted Al sarcastically and throwing his hands in the air. "They weren't just any boots! They were boots thay made you look taller"

"Really fullmetal, a pair of boots? I expected better than that."

"Ohh like what? A one might room at a hotel? Well sorry we're not all a bona-fide ladies man colonel bastard."

"oooh touche"


	2. Chapter 2

disclaimer: boo I dont own fma...but I do own the posterxD

Title: The Chimera  
Chapter Two: Teasing  
Rating: K+  
Type: humor, yaoi, adventure, romance  
Pairings: Roy/Ed

Summary: Ed and Roy manage to narrowly escape the wrath of Lt. Hawkeye's wrath

* * *

The next morning Roy woke up at 5 to 11. He blinked sleepily then yawned, stretching his arms and stretching. "Oh it's only 5 to 11 I'm sure that I have 5 more minutes before- wait 10:55! Riza's going to kill me!" Roy jumped out of bed as if he'd been lit under with a firecracker and ran to the room where Edward was asleep.

"FULLLMETALL! WAKE UP!" Roy pounded on the door frantically. "Wake up! We're late!"

Edward squeezed his eyes in irritation and clamped the pillow to his ears in order to block out the stupid older man's voice. "Go away colonel bastard!"

"It's almost 11:00!" that woke him up. Suddenly the door flew open. "Ah fuck! Riza's going to kill us!"

Roy rolled his eyes. "no duh genius!"

"Shut up! this is all your fault! If you hadn't kept us up all night with your chit-chat-"

Roy rnarrowed his eyes, 'it so was not' he thought, opening his mouth to retort back but was cut off by Al.

Will you two just shut up!" yelled the younger Elric. "Instead of wasting time and blaming each other who's fault it is that you slept in, use that time to GET READY!"

With the help of Al's ranting and raving the two alchemist were out the door in half an hour.

"And stay out of trouble" Al called as they pulled away in Roy's car. Ed rolled his eyes. "Yea cause I totally go looking for it."

_**Meanwhile back at the Central HQ **_

Riza frowned and looked up at the clock for what she felt was the hundredth time. "i wonder what is taking the Colonel so long? He's unusually late this morning."

Havoc snickered. "He probably slept in." "yea probably had a late night" added in Breda. riza rolled her eyes, "I'm sure he's not idiot enough to do that, the Colonel knows full ell what the consequences will be if he ever pulls that again."

The rest of the male crew shuddered. 'oh they knew all right."...

The Two alchemists made finally made it to the headquarters. Roy frowned at the door wondering how he was going to sneek into his office without having to confront the scary blonde female lieutenant, who no doubt was probably waiting for him behind the door with her gun cocked. "Ok here's the plan, you cause a distraction that way I can sneek into my office and pretend I was there."

"The hell with that! So you can throw me to the wolves aye? well I got news for you! fuck you!"

"I sure hope not cause I'm not really into little boys."

Ed snapped. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SMALL THAT IT'D BE EASIER FOR HIM SNEEKING INTO AN OFFICE THAN YOU DUE TO THE FACT THAT IM SO SMALL THAT I WOULDNT ATTRACT ATTENTION!"

"Although you do look cute whenever you get mad, your face turns this cute shade of red."

"Are you fucking flirting with me?" before Roy could mess around with the blonde's head even more however he was interrupted by a voice. " I sure hope not."

Roy groaned inwardly. 'Stupid shrimp and his sensitivity to height and loud voice' all the noise the blonde had made had attracted the attention of the person that he'd been trying to avoid.

"Colonel sir, it's almost noon, you're five hours late."

Roy scratched the back of his trying to find an excuse that wouldn't leave him with bullet holes. "uh...yeah.." he cringed. 'Oh wow great excuse Mustang.'  
But to his surprise instead of Hawkeye pulling out her handy pistol she just arched an eyebrow." Is that the best that you could come up with? uh yeah?"

Havoc, Breda, Feulman came onto the scene. "who's flirting with who?"asked Breda munching on a doughnut in one hand and drinking coffe in another, in which Mustang was eyeing enviously.

Havoc snickered. "Looks like the two lovebirds are at it again." Feulman frowned confused." Roy and Ed are dating?"

"uh hell no!" Ed shrieked. "like I'd ever date the smug bastard. He's got an ego the size of Saturn!"

They all stared at him. Havoc shot him a skeptical look. "Right even if he was the last man on earth?"

"...well...wait.. wtf am I saying? I'd rather screw a plant!"

Havoc, Breda and Roy all nodded. "riii-ght we believe you." Havoc patted him on the back. "admit it shrimp, you-"

"yoo-hoo, hey guys!" they all groaned while Riza rubbed her temples, she was beginning to get a headache and the last thing sh needed right now was Hughes.

"you guys wanna see the new photos of my adorable darling Ely-" but stopped when he saw the look on everyone's faces, particulary Ed's which was growing steadily more and more red.

"whats going on?"

"we're trying to get the chief to admit his crush on the colonel."

"for the last fucking time I do not like the smug bastard! I hate him with every fibre of my being!"

"that's how people who are in denial talk Edward."

"shut up bastard! no one asked your opinion!"

Roy smirked, "since when do I wait to be asked?"

"why are you living with him if you don't like him?" questioned Feulman curiously. "for someone you really hate it's odd that you'd be living at his house."

Hughes eyes sparkled. "they're living together, eh?"  
neither Roy or Ed liked the look in Hughe's eyes, even Hawkeye was sporting an amused look.

"yeah chief, we all know that the Colonel would invite you just for the sake of having fun to mss with you, but its kinda funny that you'd accept the offer."

"oh for crying outloud me and Al are living with the bastard beacuse we got kicked out of our apartment! so until we find our own place we're going to live with him! any questions!"

Havoc raised a hand. "yeah, um why'd you get kicked out of your aprtment?"

"he used the rent money to buy boots."

"shut up bastard! they don't need to know that!"

"why on a pair of boots?"

"they made him look taller apparently" Roy shrugged. All the subordinates including Meas turned to look at the chibi alchemist.

"what?"

Hawkeye sighed. "I dont know why we're all surprised, its an Edward thing to do."

"whats that supposed to mean?"

tbc...


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three : It's a date

Pairings: Roy/Ed

Type: Humor, Adventure,

warnng: minor swearing

summary: Roy manages to talk Edward into a date..even if Edward wont admit it.

* * *

Al was on the couch finshing a novel that he had started a while ago when he heard his brother and the Colonel come in, and as usual the two were bickering. 'more like flirting' he smirked.

"you know you two should seriously go out, you're totally meant for each other."

"Oh for the love of -, not you too Al! Dammit what is wrong with everybody today?"

Roy scoffed hanging up his coat and rolling his eyes when he picked up Edward's coat from where he'd uncerimonially dumped it on he floor. 'for a genius he sure doesn't know the difference between a coat hanger and a floor.' "Nothing is wrong with anybody, shrimp's too proud to just admit that he's got a thing for me."

"For the last time bastard I do not have a crush on you!"

"prove it," he smirked leaning over the shorter alchemist and into his peronal space, his smirk widened on seeing the boy's face start to redden from the close proximity, "come to the movies with me tonight."

Edward narrowed his eyes and forced himself not to take a step back. He could play this game too. "I'd rather throw myself into a river with man-eating alligators"

"I'll be paying" Roy included.

Edward raised an eyebrow. 'well if the colonel was willing to spend some money...maybe he should rethink this through and see if he could use this to the fullest of his advantage.. "food included?" if the colonel was willing to throw in some free food to then he would definetly be in, though the bastard had better not get any funny ideas, he wasn't the type that put out so easily and not on the first date either...wait where in the hell had the thought of him putting out to the colonel come from? why was he even thinking of this as an actual date? the colonel was probably just taking him to tease him, the asshole. Besides he menatlly shook his head, the last time he checked the colonel was straight and only dated woman, and he was definetly NOT a girl..stupid long hair..maybe I shoud get a haircut like Al's always telling me too...

"-ward did you hear me? earth to Edward!"

Edward blinked, shoot how long had he been out for? "What'd you say?"

Roy sighed, "I _said _ that yes food included. So yes or no?"

"ok, I'll go," he stuck a finger in the taller man's face, "not because I want to but just to prove you wrong and for the food." there that should show the bastard that he wasn't playing any games and that he did not, did NOT have a crush on the colonel...even if the ass did look kind of ho- NO NO NO. AHHHH he mentally pulled at his hair. everyone and their stupid talk of crushes!

Al who'd been watching the whole scene from the sofa just rolled his eyes and shook his head. "they always say that the way to a man's heart is through his stomache. Who knew my brother was living proof of that?" Just then the phone rang, Al picked it up to find that it was none other than Winry. "Oh hey Winry!"

"Hey Al, what's up?"

"Nii-san has a date with the Colonel finally." knowing that Winry loved nothing better than having ammuniton to use to tease Edward later with the next time they went to Rezimbool.

Al whipped his head to glare a his brother. "What do you mean a date? We're just going to the movies! Dammit Al stop making a big deal out of nothing!"

Al shot him a look that said "you're hopless you know that?"

"Hey colonel bastard, exactly when are we going?" ignoring the stare Edward turned back to his apparant 'date' wll if they were gonna do this stupid date thing he might as well know when they were going so that he could get ready.

Roy frowned in thought. t'd been awhile since he;d gone to the movies but he did remember that most of the good movies didn't usually start til the late evening. "hmm 8:00 sound good? I heard that's when they show all the good movies."

Edward nidded, 'holy shit he couldnt believe that they were actually going through with this."8:00 is good"

Al stared at his brother who stared back at him defensively "why you looking at me like that?" he asked irritated. 'why was his brother looking at him like that?'

Al just hshook his head and just shrugged, "nothing, it's just that it's wiered that you guys actually agree on something for once... without the usual destruction of property first."

Ed felt offended "hey! he wasn't that difficult! "whatever Al!' he huffed not bothering to argue with his brother and headed towards the stairs to his room. "now if anyone needs me I'll be upstairs getting ready for this stupid movie date"

"aww! did you hear that winry?" snickered Al to Winry over the phone. "Nii-san just admitted that it was a date."

"Al I'm warning you!"

Edward's brother and Winry just burst into laughter.

When 8 o'clock rolled around the two alchemists got ready to leave for the movies.

"ok Al, we're leaving to go to the movies now!" called from the front hall while adjusting his second boot. Just cause he was going on this date didn't mean that he was going to change his wardrobe, even though his brother had kept berating him about it.

Al came from the den and chuckled, leaning against the stair banister and chuckled. "Look at my Nii-san all grown up and going on his first date, I wonder if he'' be getting his first kiss tonight too?"

"Stop treating me like some inexperienced teenage girl Al!"

Roychuckled too, amused at the little alchemist's antics. the little shrimp was sure cute when he wanted to be..not that he'd ever tell him that, he'd rather not have a blade drivrn into his heart thank you very much. "don't worry I'll make sure to not bring him back too late." he smirked joining in on the role playing.

Edward scowled, "I'm not some little kid you know! And

I'm definetly not some girl bastard!"

"Well _Edward,_"

and can you believe it? the jerk actually had the nerve to smirk!

"tell you what, when you stop acting like a kid, I'll skip treating like one." On the last word he tapped the short blonde on the nose.

Edward knocked his hand away irritatedly, "Can we just leave already? I wanna get this stupid thing over and done with already!"

"As you wish your highness." Roy opened the door and bowed to allow Edward to go through first. Edward opened his mouth to give the bastard a piece of his mind but before he could say anything, the two alchemists were shoved out the door by the younger Elric, who then slammed the door.

The last thing they heard was Al shouting "please try not to kill each other!" as they drove to the theatre.


End file.
